so down i went to the island at the tip of the phallic peninsula, expecting to step foot in a deliciously sterile nation. lies, all lies. the last time i acquainted myself with the island, i was 10 and my only memories were of eating orange slices and playing my cousin’s first-gen playstation.
myth 1: no one litters in singapore
for arguements sake, you could easily say that my hotel wasn’t located in the classiest area in singapore, and you could also say that it’s still cleaner than the bag of filth that is kuala lumpur. but it’s not eat-off-the-streets clean like all the myths i’ve heard. bangkok > singapore > malaysia
myth 2: people queue up in singapore
these aren’t exactly tokidokis so use your imagination.
despite the omnipresent phua chu kang decals in the MRT telling you to “Don’t play play” and stand aside for the alighting passengers. no one gave a shit. they shove like the best of ‘em and ignore people frantically trying to get off. plus some stupid bitch stepped on my tokidokis. /burn
myth 3: there is no chewing gum in singapore
then can someone please explain why (after stealing a handful of random maps from the visitors centre) i was attacked by a long trailing strand of used gum, one end firmly attached a traffic divider, the other end floating merrily in the afternoon breeze? ew.
myth 4: in singapore, you can only smoke in designated yellow boxes
i spent half a day snapping and growling at everyone who dared come within 5 feet of my nicotine-free person. why? because i never saw a blinkin’ yellow smoker’s box and i didn’t dare have my morning cig. or my post-breakfast cig. or my pre-train cig. or my post-train/pre-walk cig. and then i spotted a smoker and it was like some holy revelation, and in the back of my head a voice proclaimed “be healed!” and suddenly i was surrounded by a cloud of tar/nicotine-imbibing freaks who welcomed me while singing “kumbaya”. i would have taken more smokers’ photos but dying at the hands of a small dyke just didn’t appeal to me.
myth 5: food in singapore sucks
eminent frog frog porridge and seafood (you just can’t make this shit up)
food at the first coffee shop we arbitrarily picked was kinda bland, and i pounced on this perceived admission of failure. ALL THE FOOD HERE MUST SUCK. but then the 1am munchies hit us and led us to geylang lorong 19. supper was a S$40 affair with hot plate o chien, porridge and kung pao tin kai. can we all agree that sounds as awesome as it tasted?
then, my itchy butt led us to indulgz (just because my favourite guilty pleasure blogger reviewed it). i guess if i were earning singapore dollars it’d be affordable. but damnit, i’m not. still, the tomato soup was yummy (so was the sea bass).
have some other photos of the very indie haji lane, but guess that can wait for another day. excuse me while i fondle my new skull candy low riders to sleep.
found this on digg, and finally i think malaysia represents and can be as bat shit insane as the next redneck. i took these photos last year after getting back from a meeting. spotted this pajero as we were circling the parking lot and we just had to stop and gawk.
omgwtfbbq#*&^@%#
closeup of that erm, step.
the spare tire.
“save ussss…..” some crap in the window.
there’s even crap on the front grille. to make sure pedestrians move out of the way. fast.
for scale purposes, this is kellie, totally transfixed.
