tubby

by justine

i’m currently at my heaviest weight. ever. and it’s a big letdown.

about a year ago i shook my fist at the heavens and made a booming declaration that, by god, life would be absolutely fucking perfect if i were but 10 pounds heavier.

late suppers (mmmm, salmon pizza and ikan pari) never made any impact before but methinks age is catching up with my amazing metabolism. the first indication that anything was amiss was when i had trouble squeezing into my levi’s.  ass getting bigger.

the second warning was when my skinny jeans popped open when i bent to pick stuff up. i attributed it to water retention and hormonal changes (period mah, be glad i didn’t throw water at people in the cinema), but it was actually tummy getting bigger.

my family poked fun at me. ma even went so far as to say she only gained weight after having her first kid (i.e. me). then it hit me like a ton of fei zhu yeuk. i’m not her age when she had her first kid. i’m not 18 anymore. i’m two decades older than my little cousins. i’m an aunty!

all aunties deserve a little tummy as a sign of a life well lived or some old-fangled chinese belief. (but someone insists it shows a healthy consumption of beer.)

with the stress at work caused by primadonna princess art directors, you’d think i’d have wasted away by now.

and no, i’m not enjoying the unequaly distributed 10 pounds. i wish it were all on my boobs. but as my youngest aunt said “you never gain it there.”