reasons i hate suits

by justine

warning: broad, sweeping, uber generalisations ahead:

  1. they have low IQs
    you know how it is when they come back and say they “don’t get it” but only because they’re looking at it from a REALLY RETARDED CONSUMER STANDPOINT? it’s a fucking lie. these forest gumps who only have enough electrical pulses in their brain to get them through daily life (like blinking and breathing) do not understand mensa terms like “NEW” or “CUSTOMER” or even the word “OR”. fuck you!
  2. they act busy
    they’re consumed with the paranoia of being discovered. that one day a higher-up will have a ramly burger at a new stall and have a fucking epiphany that imbues them with the knowledge of what a fucking waste of company resources they are. they do nothing, haphazardly scan BAD reqs, have arguments over semantics they don’t understand, poke their nose into creatives and randomly go ape shit over nothing. leave me alone to do my work. i’m very nice. i don’t pick apart your meaningless briefs; don’t ask me if “this is the best way to word the sentence”. i wrote it that way, simply because I LIKE. fuck off!
  3. they don’t know their own godammned products
    i’ve gotten briefs for jobs which are totally off. client’s asking for a fucking chicken and what do they do? brief to do a duck? no. they ask for a fucking rainbow elephant. wrong product descriptor, wrong objectives. wrong deliverables. sometimes, even a wrong fucking product NAME. fuck you!
  4. they do diddly squat
    the following conversations are real:

    “what is the promo about?”
    “dunno. client didn’t say.”
    “how long is the promotion running for?”
    “client didn’t say. just put any date first”
    “can we shoot?”
    “not sure. just do anything first”
    “then what the hell do you expect me to do?”
    “errr… errr… everything on this list.”

    or even

    “what information do you need in this leaflet?”
    “stuff about growing-up nutrition.”
    “can i have writeups or materials from client?”
    “you can search on the internet, right?”
    “you want me to pretend to be a nutritionist?”
    “very easy wan, just look on the internet.”

    it’s your fucking job to talk to the client. so, do it. talk. ask. open your fucking trap. then only do you come and show me your ugly hound face. if not, fuck off!