“did you know, grasshoppers and other performers like aaron kwok tape their dicks down?”

i choked on a spoonful of shredded pork and chinese mushroom rice. “to avoid wardrobe malfunction?” i wondered, thinking of the shiny tiny hot pants favoured by mr kwok.

“it’s because they will, y’know, ‘stand’.”

i sputtered a few grains of rice onto the table.

“you mean you’ve never heard before meh?”

do enlighten me on the hong kong entertainment scene, dear pickway.

“guys,” she said knowingly, smugly and triumphantly, “get hard when they’re tired.”

my whole life flashed (heh) before my eyes. i felt like a high school-er again.

“my boyfriend runs marathons, and he told me that when he and his friends finish running all tired like that, it gets awkward… cos you know.”

boy, was i confused. was i sorely lacking in the sex ed department? was she pulling my leg? was this something everyone knew? was this a rawang thing? i mean if only exhaustion caused erections. pfizer would go out of business.

*conversations originally in canto, yo. which makes it that much more hilarious.